Dear no one

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Dear No one,
There’s so much I wish I could say. I wish I could tell you how you broke my heart, how you shattered my teenage world, how you wasted four years of my life, how you screwed me over and stomped on my feelings. I wish I could tell you that, but it’s not worth it. You may have hurt me so deeply, but what I learned about myself in the process, I must thank you for. I could start by thanking you for showing me all the things that I don’t deserve. I don’t deserve to be lied to, cheated on, taken advantage of, used, and ditched. Never would I ever do that to my significant other, ever. The kind of person I know not to look for is someone who puts everything before myself. When I was in times of desperate need, you were never there. Now I know to find a man that would give up anything to be there for me when I’m upset.
I want to tell you I’m happy without you and better off. While I am better off without you, I can’t say it’s all been easy. I’ve struggled to find myself and to find my way in this huge world. I find myself becoming an extreme introvert and spending all of my days dreaming of things I wish I could say or do. I put myself out there for you, and you completely dropped me. It’s hard to be able to trust that anyone won’t just go off and find something better now. I struggle trusting people and can hardly ever see myself giving my whole heart to someone again. It’s hard to feel good enough from what you put me through. I struggle at feeling worthy. I can’t give my whole heart to someone because I can’t imagine that someone would give their whole heart to me.
I want to believe that my time for happiness will come. I want to believe that I will forget you were ever a chapter in my life, and I want to begin writing a brand new story from the beginning. I want to be spoiled and loved and respected beyond anything I could imagine. I want to never have to worry about being enough. I want to be admired and loved every day. I want him to bring me around his friends. I want to feel comfortable. I want him to want to show me off to the world. I want to be asked on dates, I want to be asked to family gatherings, I want it all. I want to be the girl he’s waited all his life for. I want to be appreciated for the little things I may do and I want to be respected. I would wait a lifetime for the man who is everything you weren’t.

Strength

I know it may hurt now, but things will get better. Life feels meaningless, friendships seem pointless and you feel like you’re stuck in the same spot. Strength is something that seems so impossible to muster up, yet if we dig deep enough, we all seem to have it within. It comes out when we least expect it to and it takes over. Strength is the ability to keep moving forward when all we want to do is look back. Strength tells us to hold on when there’s nothing there to hold on to. No one knows their own strength until it’s time to use it. The storm will not last forever. I can see the sun setting just in the distance. Making it there may seem like a trek, but it’s a trek worth taking.